Today I realized that a lot of the reasons behind why I don’t do things is because I do not think I am worthy. For example, I don’t think I should answer anything in class because my opinions or answers are wrong. Or, I shouldn’t go to my doctor and get the help I need for my mental illness because I don’t really have one, I’m just not smart or strong enough to live with my personality. Logically, I know these things are not true. But I am trying to work through these fears and feel the value of myself.
So this list is about things I want to do, things I would do if I felt I was worthy. So I’m going to just do them, because they are the things that I truly want.
Also I heard someone recently say “if it only takes two minutes, just do it, you’ll feel better”. So I decided that I would start just doing things, like getting up and beginning supper. It only takes two minutes to get started, and by then I was already motivated to do it. Also, just taking two minutes to get up and make the bed, or other little things like that. It has helped me to start the buildup of motivation to do things, and I am glad to continue this.
Now I present to you, my list-in-progress on what I can do for myself to help me see how valuable I am and do the things that I want in my life because I am worthy.
- Make the call to my doctor– get the help and medication I need
- Finish my tasks– currently I have to call my old job about getting my t4 to my new address, and make an appointment to get bloodwork done
- Get tattoos! I read that tattoos help with self-esteem, and I can understand why. If you are comfortable with your body, you will probably get a tattoo to make your body even more like art. Not for everyone of course, but definitely how I see things!
- Speak up in class! What I have to say is important and valuable, so just say it!
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo
- Decorate my apartment with my arts and crafts! It will be fun to make, and then I can put them on display to be proud of and show off!
- Go to community events! Attend town meetings, go to yard sales, vigils, protests, parades, farmers’ market, concerts, plays, BBQs, fairs, and whatever else the town has to offer!
- Have lots of plants inside and out. I am planning on making a long rectangular planter to put along the building on our side of the lawn, plus the potted plants I have around our door and on our outside table!
- Challenge myself everyday. Make small daily challenges, like finishing a crossword puzzle, write in my journal, speak out in class, do chores, anything that will make me proud of me!
- Be active! Build up the strength to go on our planned hikes this summer by walking the trails and stairs at the local park.
- Go to the library! Read poetry, how-to books, novels, and anything interesting! It’s also a great place to find out about upcoming events and local businesses!
“It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.”
― Oscar Wilde
- Pamper Myself! have spa days, lazy days, and play music all the time
- Have routines. Have a flexible and motivating morning routine, and a relaxing and loving nightly routine
- Have courage! Speak in class, make plans with my friends, wear what I like, put myself out there!
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
― E.E. Cummings
- Explore! Have date nights in and out of our home, try new hobbies, gain new information through podcasts, news, and reading
- Be mindful! Notice beauty wherever I go, meditate in the shower and out, be aware and mindful of my own worth and the worth of the things around me
- Have a self care kit! Be prepared for stress, gather things to work through the crisis and keep them in a decorate package to make me motivated to use them
- Eat right! Try to plan meals ahead, always eat breakfast, only eat when I’m hungry, try to include lots of fruits and veggies
- Take pictures! Document my moods with a photo shoot each day that includes a picture of myself, what is making me happy that day, and something I find beautiful
Kittens in Suits and Other Miscellaneous Life Events 